Shake Up: The Official Blog of THE LIST

Let's Do The Time Warp Again

2009-04-21T08:08:00.004-04:00

Yesterday I visited the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill with my daughter. Gorgeous place. The weather was perfect, the students were perfect (in that bouncy blond ponytail sort of way.) We got a personal tour of the journalism school from a professor who was also perfect—warm, inviting, enthusiastic.

I would have expected to feel a little wistful, wishing for a do-over. But this experience was so much about my daughter—and about a time in life that is all hers—that it only made me excited for her. (Plus, I have no interest in living in a cell, sitting in a stall every time I have to pee, and sleeping in a bunkbed with a tattered couch and pile of dirty clothes underneath. Or having to walk five minutes in the pouring rain just to eat breakfast with 200 other people.)

Looking backward didn't make me wistful; it made me appreciate how my own choice of college and career worked out so well for me.

Happiness...It Doesn't Just Happen

2009-04-03T09:41:00.005-04:00

Yesterday I got an email from a blogger I've never heard of—at least I don't think I have—named Gretchen Rubin. She's got a very cool blog called The Happiness Project www.happiness-project.com, and unlike SOME people we know, she posts everyday about her pursuit of joy and fulfillment. Good pursuit. Much better than accepting a lack of joy and fulfillment, which we all do at some time or another.

Rubin's blog shares a lot of the sentiment behind The List. Primarily, it promotes the idea that happiness stems from taking action and doing the unexpected — and that it doesn't have to be a grand life-altering move, either. (Although as we've seen in The List, big steps often lead to big-time fulfillment).

Her April Fool's prank, for instance, was as big a kick for her as it was for her kids, even though it took very little effort. She had started a tradition of celebrating holidays at breakfast, so on April 1st, she dyed the kids' cereal milk green, and shocked them when she poured it into their bowls. They all laughed as their teeth and tongues turned green. That's a great start to the day, if you ask me. And holiday breakfast is a great tradition.

Pursuit is the key here. Happiness, and the shakeups that often lead to it, don't just fall in our laps. We make them happen. Rubin's blog is a nice reminder of that.

And Gretchen, if in fact we just had dinner together and I don't remember the good time we had, let alone your name, I'm really sorry for being such a dunderhead. Seems the older I get, the more those things happen.

And the Award Goes to...

2009-03-22T13:02:00.005-04:00

This week's big news is that Peg was chosen as a finalist for a National Magazine Award (the magazine industry's Oscar) for a fantastic expose she wrote on hysterectomies for More magazine. This is a really big deal. Peg's thrilled just to be in the running; I'm thrilled because I think she has a really good shot...and because now she's got a reason to splurge on new clothes. Whether or not she wins (the ceremony is on April 30), the industry she's worked in for two decades has publicly acknowledged her talent.

Once again, proof that recognition and achievement are things of the future, not just the past. If you've walked away with a statue, tiara or any other prize for your talent lately, don't be shy. Share the good news with us.

Meanwhile, fingers crossed for Peg.

3 for 3

2009-03-13T15:51:00.003-04:00

Pat heard from Sarah Lawrence...now she's gotten into all three MFA programs. One even threw her some money. If it were me, I'd be Sally Field-ing all over the place. But Pat's not me, thank God. She's celebrating quietly with friends and family, and not the free world. So I'm doing some bragging for her.

Pat's Personal Stimulus Package

2009-03-08T12:43:00.005-04:00

Great news (imagine that!): My friend Pat got into two of the three MFA programs she applied to. She heard from Columbia and the New School last week, and she's still waiting to hear from Sarah Lawrence. It was so exciting, you'd think she'd won the lottery (okay, maybe not that exciting, but certainly cause to kvell). The amazing thing is that it was only four months ago that she first starting thinking about this, and now she's on her way. She went out and got what we all could use right now: validation and the promise of new beginning. If she'd won the lottery she wouldn't have to worry about how to pay for it...but she'll find a way. This is too good to pass up.

In Over My Head

2009-02-26T17:44:00.004-05:00

I took my own shake-up advice last week while on vacation in Mexico. I confronted my fear, pushed beyond my comfort zone, and emerged feeling proud, powerful…and nauseous. Don’t ask me what I was thinking, but I arranged a snorkeling outing for my extended family (18 people) and the family friends we were traveling with (10 more people).

I’m afraid of boats, and of drowning. I’m claustrophobic. And I’m a lousy swimmer (I do the breaststroke without getting my ears wet). These are not the qualities of a successful snorkeler. But I’d be damned if I was going to miss out on a family event—particularly one I’d planned myself.

Fortunately, I got on the same boat as my brother-in-law Gary, who is an experienced scuba diver. As we headed toward the reef, he helped me adjust my mask and snorkel. When I plopped over the side into the "refreshing" water, he grabbed my hand. And when I started freaking out (almost immediately), he pulled me along until I got a grip on myself.

Gary kept checking in with me underwater, giving me the OK sign and waiting for my response. I kept OK-ing back, but in truth, I was having a massive heart attack. I didn’t want to put my face in the water…pretty much a requisite if you’re snorkeling and want to actually see something. I was afraid I’d spit out the snorkel and choke on salt water. When the waves kicked in, I thought I would die.

Still, I kept on going—hating every minute of it, but determined not to give up. I kept tabs on the guide, who was pulling a boogie board behind him in case someone got tired or totally lost it. I swam next to my two brothers-in-law and my two nephews, ages 7 and 8, neither of who were having palpitations. My son William was somewhere in the water, too, and I didn’t want to mortify him by crying and begging for the boat to rescue me.

I had to force myself to put my face in and see the sea turtles. They were gorgeous. So was the school of fish that swam in front of me. Sadly, I missed the barracuda, because by then, I’d had it. I couldn’t get to the boat fast enough.

But the minute my ordeal ended, I felt very proud of myself. My family couldn’t believe that I’d tried it. It was so inconceivable, in fact, my husband Julian didn’t even realize I’d gone out. If he had, he would have held my hand. (Or so he says.) The best part of the whole thing was that I didn’t have to succeed in order to feel great. I just had to try.

If you’ve done something brave lately, do tell. I’ll know exactly what you’re talking about.

Something About Molly

2009-02-11T23:21:00.000-05:00

A couple of weeks ago, “Lister” Liz Becker (#31 Hike Machu Picchu and #41 Learn to Sail) hooked me up with a friend of hers from San Francisco named Molly Rosen. Molly, a leadership-development consultant with absolutely no experience in publishing, had pulled off what so many women only dream of: she published a book.

Knowing Pains: Women on Love, Sex, and Work in Our Forties http://knowingpains.com/ had come out a few months earlier, and Molly was in New York promoting it on Today. What she did was incredible—but how she did it was even more inspiring. Molly got the idea for the collection after she went looking for a book like it and couldn’t find one. At that point, most people would have shrugged and said, ‘Gee that’s a shame. Guess I’ll have to buy War and Peace instead.’ But Molly saw an opportunity…and took it.

She reached out to women—some of them writers, most of them not—to share their life experiences (Liz was one of them). Molly edited the pieces and self published the book. From the start, she planned to donate all proceeds to breast cancer research, so she got everyone— contributors, designer, web host, illustrator, and photographer¬—to work for free.

After her Today interview, Molly and I met for coffee at her hotel to discuss the possibility of giving talks or leading workshops together. Between us, we could go on for days about the thrill of taking chances, trying new things, and making your life what you want it to be. And I’d love to do it, because I know exactly what the participants would walk away with.

They’d feel the same rush I did when I left my meeting with Molly.

Yes She Can ... And So Can You

2009-01-30T22:34:00.005-05:00

It’s been a long time since I felt like I could do anything I set out to do, so I’m living vicariously through my daughter. (You’re welcome to, too.) At 16, Madeline’s already decided she wants to be a journalist when she grows up. But why wait?

Last year, she and a friend started talking about making their own magazine. Two weeks ago, they sat in my living room with 8 fully designed, written, and edited spreads of the soon-to-be-printed Edge magazine. They came up with the concept and all of the story ideas, and then “hired” a young designer to work on spec. Next up: pitching local businesses to advertise.

I had nothing to do with this project…which is exactly how it should be.

A few days ago, when were together in the car, I told Madeline how cool it was that they had made this magazine happen. Most people don’t follow through on their big ideas, I said. Like the time my friend Louise and I thought of creating cliff notes for book-group books and did nothing about it, only to have Barnes and Noble launch its own series a year later. Or that other time when…

Madeline responded with great conviction: “If there’s something you want to do, you just have to do it. And don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t.” She laughed, adding, “I should be a motivational speaker!”

I bet she could, too.

What’s Old is New Again

2009-01-23T17:58:00.002-05:00

Okay….now I’m nervous. I just took an assignment doing something I haven’t done in years (many, many years). I’m writing about business and money. That’s how I started out my career—as a business reporter and editor. I had no idea what I was doing; I just bluffed my way through it until I did. Same thing when I switched to women’s magazines, but at least that was an area I had some personal experience in. So here I am, at 47, in a place that’s both familiar and scarily new. It’s been a while since I felt this way. I kind of like it.

If you’re embarking on a new venture, or dusting off an old skill, tell me about it. We can cheer each other on.

Two Million Changelings Can’t Be Wrong

2009-01-21T14:39:00.000-05:00

For months, we’ve been shaken up by forces way beyond our control. But this week, we did the shaking. Despite a daily barrage of bad news (or maybe because of it?), a few million people buttoned up their overcoats and went to Washington to celebrate change. They certainly whooped it up…and why not? Change feels good—especially when you bring it on yourself.

If you were in Washington for the festivities, tell us about it. We can be vicarious whoop-it-uppers together.

The List Recommends:

2009-01-14T13:48:00.002-05:00

The holidays are over, so why can’t I stop baking? It’s very hard to get back to work when there’s enough sour cream left in the refrigerator to make another walnut spice cake. I have tons of work to do, and yet I keep sticking my head in the fridge to avoid it.

I decided to start fresh with the easiest, most enjoyable task on my plate: writing a grad-school recommendation for my writer friend Pat, who’s getting an MFA in Creative Nonfiction and starting a second career as a teacher.

It’s the third recommendation I’ve written in three months, but unlike the other two, who were former students of mine, Pat’s was easy. We’ve worked together many times; I’ve edited her work at both magazines and websites. She also contributed a fabulous essay to a collection on midlife relationships that I edited, Over the Hill and Between the Sheets.

I knew exactly what to say about how graceful and thoughtful a writer she is, and how committed she is to taking her craft to the next level. But the exciting part for me was being part of the process that’s going to take her to the next level.

It’s thrilling to watch someone you know and love transform her life. Not just to switch jobs (Shake-up #55), but to find a new passion. Pat’s doing it at 50; my sister did it a few years ago at 44. That’s when she totally gave up on her law career and started teaching history and law at a specialized high school in New York City. She loves it.

I know so many women who are itching to start over. I certainly am—it’s part of the reason I wrote The List. At a certain point, things start to get old (note I said “things,” not “we”) and we miss the energy that comes with finding inspiration, taking a risk, and being petrified of failing. I’ll happily take that chance . . . as soon as I figure out what I want to do.

What about you? Are you out looking for new passion in your work or personal life? Or have you found it already? Let’s hear it.

Sarah's List Is Looking Good

2009-01-08T15:10:00.001-05:00

Quiz time. Which is the bigger shakeup: Becoming a late-in-life mom (Shake-up #92) or an early-in-life grandma? Ask Sarah Palin, who, at age 43, has done both in just eight months. (Throw in the vice-presidential stuff, and she’s had quite a year.) Either way, it’s a shock to the system, and potentially the most wonderful thing that could happen. It’s all in how you look at it, and what you make of a change that turns your world upside down. Maybe, if it happens twice in one year, you actually end up on your feet.

So, Congrats, Gov. Palin. Twice.

I Feel a Holiday Coming On

2008-12-29T00:42:00.001-05:00

I was talking to a friend at a holiday party last weekend and we made plans to get together. We’re going to meet for cocktails one afternoon. On a weekday. When the kids are in school and we should be working. Another friend overheard and said, “Are you kidding? You won’t be able to function for the rest of the day!” To which we replied in unison, “Who Cares!”

Just the thought of it makes me smile. How naughty. How decadent. Really, it doesn’t take much. Maybe we should make a holiday of it: National Blow Off An Afternoon Like You Were Still in College Day. Sounds good, right?

If you’ve already celebrated your own afternoon holiday, do tell. You'll inspire the rest of us!

2008 Was the Year I...

2008-12-22T17:25:00.000-05:00

The other night my friend Pat hosted our annual writers’ group holiday meeting. Every year she bakes these awesome coconut and chocolate chip bars, and pops bottles of champagne (okay, Prosecco). I love this night, because I love this group and the women in it — and it’s nice to have an occasion to celebrate it and us.

This year we had a hard time coming up with a theme. In the past, we’ve done work resolutions for the new year, work triumphs and regrets from the past year, and things to be thankful for. Ultimately we decided to honor what we’d done this year by naming an accomplishment.

For me, it was simple: 2008 was the year I became a writer. Ironically, I’ve been a member of writers’ group for nearly seven years, but before The List I hadn’t written a thing. I am an editor, I’d tell everyone, not a writer. And until last year, that was true.

Sometimes I wonder why this great group of women invited me to join in them first place; maybe they saw the writer in me that I never saw. Whatever the reason, I know I wouldn’t be a writer without them.

I felt a real sense at the holiday meeting of needing to appreciate what we have — and what we’ve done — this year. Which I think made us all feel more optimistic about next year. There was a lot of accomplishment floating around that room, and a great spirit that made you feel that all things are possible.

Sometimes you need to do a little accounting to realize how far you’ve come, and how far you could go.

Share your accomplishment of 2008. I’d love to hear about it.

Where Has Peg's Mind Gone?

2008-12-19T13:43:00.002-05:00

Okay, my friend Peg has lost her mind. She’s driving her 80-year-old father from New Jersey to Florida right after New Year’s. Just the two of them, in a car, for 48 hours. He was going to drive himself, but Peg couldn’t sleep at night thinking about it, so she decided to ditch her own family to save countless others on I-95. She’s Jan 3 and flying home on the 5th in time to pick up her boys from school.

I laughed when I heard this plan. I told her I thought it would be really interesting . . . if nothing else. And then I said (ha-ha) that I should go with her. The minute it came out, I could feel myself getting giddy. What a concept! I could throw a few things in a bag, hop in the back, and drive 1,300 miles to nowhere, stopping every four hours at a Bob Evans or Cracker Barrel. How reckless and irresponsible to disappear like that!

I actually can’t do it, but I’ll be tempted up until the minute she pulls out of the driveway. Who knows—maybe if this trip works out well, she’ll go again next year, and I’ll get another chance. It wouldn’t be nearly as much fun as doing it now, though. Part of the thrill would be the spontaneity.

So what would you do? Would you say screw it, and just go? If that’s what I end up doing at the eleventh hour, I’ll let you know.

On the Vine with Sue Guerra

2008-12-17T13:45:00.002-05:00

Sue Guerra, the Lister who left a career in sales to start a career in wine, has another new gig: she’s blogging for NJMonthly.com. She started around the time of the wine tasting/book signing that she helped organize for The List. (The blog is called On the Vine; check it out). I ran into her a month or so before she started, and she was nervous about writing in such a public forum. Now she’s a pro. Once you’ve taken a big leap, a medium-sized one is nothing.

Getting Out: It Doesn't Cost to Look, Part 2

2008-12-11T18:22:00.001-05:00

I need to get out more. Not just figuratively, but literally. A few weeks ago, my friend Peg invited me to see the Lincoln Center production of “Dividing the Estate” because her husband couldn’t go. We had a blast. We got into the city a little too late for a leisurely dinner, but found a great Italian place that served us with cartoon speed. We raced to the theatre two blocks away — stopping at the newsstand for Raisinets and Milk Duds — and watched a very entertaining show.

Afterwards, I started thinking of all the times Peg has called to ask if I want to take the dogs for a hike in the woods, and I’ve said I was too busy working. The truth is, I was too catatonic. You get that way when you stop doing things that are fun and hole up in your home with your day-to-day grind.

I don’t want to be that way, so I have to start doing more. I’m not about to go to the theatre every other month; at $125 a seat I’ll be lucky to go once a year. But shaking up your life doesn’t have to be expensive. It doesn’t even require going into the city or doing something entertaining. Sometimes it just requires getting up, and getting out with a good friend. The next time Pegs calls to ask if I want to hike with the dogs, I’ll say yes.

It Doesn’t Cost to Look

2008-12-09T21:30:00.000-05:00

Forget about cheap thrills — what I want now are free ones. In this economy, things like sailing or singing lessons will have to wait. Just because I can’t buy doesn’t mean I can’t shop.

The other day, when I was feeling a little low, I went online to look at beach houses for sale in Rhode Island. With the economy taking a nosedive, I took virtual tours of million-dollar homes. It felt good — but not nearly as good as the idea of calling a broker and actually inquiring about them. For added fun, I thought, I’d offer cash, sight unseen. I didn’t act on this fantasy (that would have been mean and a little perverse), but I had a great time thinking about it.

Thumbing through The List, I counted 37 shakeups that cost nothing, including a few of my personal favorites: Tell Someone Off; Spend the Day in Bed; and Escape. And there’s the really big shakeup: Switch Careers. I did that already, years ago, when I left my magazine job to go freelance. It was scary, but I’ve done so many great things because of it. I’ve written one book and edited another. I’ve become an adjunct professor. I’ve edited two small websites and written for one huge one.

So what if I switched again? What if I went back to working in an office? Would I be able to find a job that took me somewhere new and exciting — especially these days? Who knows. But I can shop without buying and find out. And it doesn’t cost a thing.

Have you had any free and fun shakeups lately? Let me know.

How to Downsize in Style...Your Holidays, That Is

2008-12-05T12:38:00.005-05:00

The New York Times ran a great story over the weekend, “We’re Going to Party Like it’s 1929,” about downsizing the holidays. The writer invited a famous NYC event planner to design a “recessionary” dinner party for eight people — at $30 a head. (I’m pretty sure I could’ve brought it in for $25 a head, but nobody asked me.)

The planner turned the writer’s apartment into a Winter Wonderland using items from K-Mart and the dollar store, and turned out dinner with groceries and wine from Trader Joe’s. He bought quilting batting to use as a tablecloth and served stuffed potatoes as the entrée.

I know this was supposed to be an exercise in frugality, but it sounded like a lot of fun, too. The event planner hit the nail on the head when he said: “The thing about the recession is, it takes the pressure off. It allows you to strip away all the stuff that’s not important and focus on what is: friends, family, togetherness.”

I host both our family Hanukah party and Christmas dinner every year. And while I don’t spend a bundle on either one, I’m thinking it might be fun to put Latkes out on a buffet table with an assortment of meat and vegetable toppings and make it the main course instead of the appetizer. Or take the Christmas ham and make mini sandwiches for an “all hors d’oeuvres and dessert” holiday meal.

Why not?

Surviving Amelia

2008-12-02T13:07:00.002-05:00

One of my good friends just finished writing a novel, which in and of itself is nothing new, since she’s a professional novelist. But this book is a total departure from all her others, and she took a big leap writing it. The working title is Surviving Amelia. It’s about friendship and how women from different generations come into their own. The common thread throughout their stories is Amelia Earhart.

My friend has a lot invested in the book, and she’s really happy with how it came out. She gave the manuscript to her writing group to critique, and made some changes before giving it to her agent. And then she waited for feedback. It’s nerve-wracking to put your work out there for the world to judge. (More than a few Listers can attest to that — me included!)

This is where it starts. Hopefully my friend will end with up with a big fat book deal (even a skinny one will do). In the meantime, she knows she’s created something great — and she’s not the only one who thinks so.

If you’ve taken a leap and put your work out there, let me know how it went.

Share Your Story and Win THE LIST!

2008-11-26T15:05:00.002-05:00

No two women shake it up quite the same way, so if you’ve been thinking, If you’ve heard one Brazilian Wax story, you’ve heard them all — it’s just not true. I’d love to hear about your unique experience with hot wax — or anything else that’s added zip to your life. We’re running a contest for best shakeup story or idea. Go to the homepage and submit yours to thelist@perseusbooks.com. If you win, you get a free copy of The List. The deadline is November 30, so send yours in today!

Listers — and Wine Lovers — Unite

2008-11-24T16:21:00.002-05:00

Last week was the local book-signing party for The List, which was especially fun because it was totally home-grown. Amanti Vino, a wine store downtown with fabulous space, hosted the event and combined it with a wine tasting. They even brought in a cheese expert to do a complimentary sampling. Watchung Booksellers — a champion of local writers — showed up with boxes of The List in tow.

Around 70 people came: friends, family, fellow writers, wine lovers, one of our local vets and a special group of honored guests: a dozen or so women who appeared in The List. Among them were my oldest friend from college Beth; my sisters Judy and Lauren, and our host for the evening, Sue, who left a successful career in corporate sales to work at Amanti Vino and learn the wine business . . . her real passion.

It was exciting to see them together in the same room, although I feel bad because I didn’t have the chance to introduce them to one another. These women have provided me with so much inspiration in the past year; I just wish all 82 Listers could meet each other. They’d be as blown away by the combined energy, insight, optimism, and courage as I am.

Daughters (and Sons) Welcome

2008-11-21T13:23:00.001-05:00

I’ve been driving around the East Coast this fall looking at colleges with my daughter. It’s been one of the most exciting experiences I’ve had in years. I’ve enjoyed strolling the quads after 25 years and wheedling our way into dorm rooms and dining halls to check them out. And I’ve loved having my daughter all to myself: sharing hotel rooms, exploring strange neighborhoods, laughing over really stupid stuff at dinner. She’s great company.

I’m becoming acutely aware that she’s got one foot out the door (okay, maybe half a foot.) In less than two years, she’ll be living her life, and I’ll be watching Grey’s Anatomy alone. I just hope that as she gets older we’ll have more adventures together, not fewer. Many Listers did their cool things with their grown daughters, so why not us?

Jan St. John faced her fears with her girls (#50 — Sky Dive and # 37 — Dive Off a Cliff); Ellen Yacoe takes the plunge every year with one of her daughters (#15 — Do a Polar Bear Swim); Alice Falkenstein went under water with her daughter (#78 — Scuba Dive); while Peg Krygowski went coast to coast with hers (#61 — Bike Across America).

If you’ve shaken things up with your daughter (sons are okay, too), I’d love to hear about it, so I can put it on my own list.

Women Respond to Life's Shakeups

2008-11-18T15:04:00.001-05:00

It’s a scary time to be sure, but here’s my Pollyanna thought for the day: If anybody can weather a crisis and make something good come out of it, it’s women. We’re great at dealing with change, even if we don’t always feel like we are. We’re gifted at wrapping our heads around tough situations and finding ways to do things differently. Or to do different things. We adapt. We improvise. And we get out there.

Tough times and personal upheaval prompted many of the shakeup stories in The List.

Divorce led to seven shakeups: Make Over a Room, Conquer a Fear, Strip, Switch Careers/Go Back to School, Shoot a Gun, Audition for Something Nerve-Racking and Join the Peace Corps.

Death played a role in nine of them: Start a Charity, Learn an Exotic Dance, Join a Cattle Drive, Play Ice Hockey, Catch a Big Fish, Swim with Sea Creatures, Get a Pilot’s License, and Organize a Rally.

And Hurricane Katrina was behind Find Religion and Join a Relief Effort.

Here’s what makes women so good at handling life’s big shakeups:
• We take risks
• We can’t help but take charge
• We’re flexible
• We think fast
• We’re master multi-taskers
• We embrace challenge
• We’re resourceful
• We’ve got perspective

And we reach out to each other for friendship, advice, a crying shoulder, and a big glass of wine.

Yes, You Can

2008-11-18T12:53:00.003-05:00

Looks like Hillary may have a new job in the not-too-distant future. I’m sure she’s up for it; she’s had a long history of shaking it up on the work front. But if she needs any encouragement and support, she can always turn to Peggy Kass and Kit Bakke (#55 — Switch Careers/Go Back To School). They both left behind solid, comfortable careers and took a chance on finding something better. And they did — with a few detours along the way.

If they can, you can. We already know Hillary can.

Make the Switch

2008-11-14T13:18:00.000-05:00

My friend Pat had a moment of clarity the other week. After years of not knowing what path to pursue, she’s decided to get an MFA in creative writing and try teaching. She’s turning 50 this spring, and doesn’t want to waste another minute.

Yet another woman who’s living The List. See SHAKEUP #55: SWITCH CAREERS/GO BACK TO SCHOOL.

Have you recently switched careers or gone back to school? Tell us about it if you have!

Men + The List

2008-11-12T13:20:00.003-05:00

My friend Mike tells me that men need a shake-up book more than women do. “Women are much better at taking action,” says he. “We just sit around, then go nuts and buy things like fancy toys.”

Meanwhile, my old colleague Jim (who I haven’t seen since the early ’80s) posted a comment to an earlier post, saying that after spending time on the site, he’d made his own list. I’m still waiting to hear what’s on it, because for the life of me I wouldn’t know what to put in a guy version of The List.

If there are any men reading this, or wives, girlfriends, and partners who have ideas of what men might do to shake up their lives, send some ideas. It will be fun to compare!

Marcia, Marcia, Marcia?

2008-11-10T17:10:00.001-05:00

I’ve been trying to locate my friend Marcia for over a year now. We met in fourth grade and stayed close until we graduated from high school. She was one of the first of my friends to get her license, and every morning she’d pull up in her light blue VW Beetle to drive me to school. That old car had no heat, no floorboards, and no FM radio. The last time I spoke to Marcia was nearly 10 years ago, when I still worked in New York, and she still lived in Maryland.

I first tried to reach her to interview her for Shakeup #18: Go Horseback Riding Bareback-Style. Marcia didn’t come up in Google search, or on whitepages.com. But today I logged onto Facebook, and there was an invite from Marcia!

I literally screamed. You would have thought she’d returned from the dead. In fact, she’s been in Pennsylvania with her husband, starting a new direct marketing business. She sent her phone number and we talked for a half-hour, catching up in big gulps. I’m sure I sounded like a lunatic, but it’s amazing how great it feels to reconnect with an old friend.

Another shakeup to add to the ever-growing LIST: Join Facebook!

Shake Up: For Your Loved Ones

2008-11-07T14:23:00.002-05:00

Shakeups aren’t always about thrills. Getting involved in your community or working for causes that are meaningful to you can be just as energizing as bungee jumping or racecar driving. In The List, two women shook things up by helping with Hurricane Katrina relief efforts. Another started a charitable foundation. Yet another organized an anti-gun rally that ended up with 750,000 participants.

I just found out about a cause that two “Listers” have been involved with in the last year. Liz Becker, who you’ve met, and Kim Merkin (#73 Throw an All-Girls Party and #65 Skinny Dip) both contributed essays to a new book called Knowing Pains: Women on Love, Sex and Work in Our 40s. Most of the writers in the book are not professional writers — they’re teachers, artists, businesspeople, moms, etc. — but they have one thing in common: Someone in their lives has had breast cancer. The proceeds from Knowing Pains will go to Breast Cancer Action for research and access to care. So when these women shook it up, it was for a cause near and dear to them.

THIS JUST IN:

2008-11-05T13:00:00.005-05:00

* Jody Ordioni (#24 Learn Trapeze) is getting her motorcycle license. Apparently, swinging upside down above the Hudson River wasn’t enough of a thrill.

* Liz Becker (#41 Learn to Sail and #31 Hike Machu Picchu) followed through on her goal and is in the process of getting re-certified in Basic Coastal Cruising.

* Louise Tutelian (#48 Make a Big Move) passed the one-year mark of moving to LA, and she totally loves it there. She’s been writing a lot for the New York Times.

* Lisa Solod Warren (#46 Make Over a Room and #77 Go Topless) has been writing about politics exclusively for the last four months on The Huffington Post.

Women in The List: Please let me know what you’re up to these days. And women not in the book: I’d love to meet you and hear about your adventures.

7 Days and Counting

2008-11-03T19:45:00.002-05:00

The site and Facebook application have been up for just under one week, and I can’t believe how many friends and friends-of-friends are showing up. Thank you! I’m hearing from women I haven’t seen in years.

As of tonight, seven people have posted comments on the blog, including two of the 82 fearsome women featured in The List; one fantastic writer who contributed a laugh-out-loud essay to a collection I edited in 2006, one new colleague who started a writer’s loft that I belong to, a warm and very funny woman I know from my town whose son was in the same second grade class as my son, and my friend and fellow writer Candy, who’s encouraged me through all kinds of projects over the years.

The blog has one official follower. She found out about The List and shakeuplist.com through an old colleague of mine who only just hooked up with me on Linkedin after 6 years), and 17 fans!

This reminds me of a party that my friend and fellow editor Louise and I threw years ago in New York for women’s magazines editors and writers. Louise (featured in #48 in The List: Make a Big Move) belonged to a writers group in Westchester; I belonged to one in New Jersey. We thought it would be fun to get them all together. By the time we were done, we’d amassed about 50 women from various aspects of our work lives. (The only invite rule: No scary editors allowed.) We mingled and gabbed in the private party room we’d rented at a midtown restaurant—downing Cosmos and hors’ devourers, making connections, and talking with people we’d known for years, but never met before.

So I’m adding an item to my list: Connect with other women! What better way to meet likeminded and interesting people than to share your conquests, hopes, and inspirations.

Thank you, again!

What do Facebook and Peru have in common?

2008-10-31T17:21:00.003-04:00

I recently created a Facebook page for myself. My kids were mortified, and I was reluctant at first, but I’ve been having the best time with it. I’ve heard from former colleagues I haven’t seen in a decade and friends I see all the time. Now I’m aware of their every move: “Frederica is watching TV and eating twinkies, wondering how much snow we’re going to get this winter . . . ”

Facebook is a great way to keep in touch with the women in the The List, too, to keep them posted about events and to thank them again for sharing their stories with me. I heard back from a lot of the women within a day or two, but not Liz Becker. Come to find out she was in Peru, leading a group of women on a hike to Machu Picchu. She was planning this excursion, a “women’s leadership journey,” when I interviewed her for The List. She wrote me the other day to say:

We had 10 women, plus me. Age range 40-58. There were also 2 local guides who just went with the flow as we met each day to discuss our "big projects" and our individual and group strengths. I was in my sweet spot. There were so many "can only be described as grace" moments. . . . And then the amazing and totally doable trek. 38 miles over 5 days with luxury lodges to hold us each night. Spectacular mountain vistas and CONDORS! THIS is something that I must keep doing!

She’s already set two dates for 2009: July 15 and Sept 29. Further confirmation that travel (especially with a group of interesting, passionate women) will indeed shake up your life.

Sharing The List

2008-10-29T19:43:00.001-04:00

I just did my first magazine interview to promote The List! I was nervous beforehand . . . don’t ask me why. I’ve spent the last year talking to anyone who’ll listen about the stories I’ve heard while writing the book. But faced with a formal interview, I wasn’t sure I could express it all. As it turned out, I didn’t need to worry; the minute we started, I couldn’t stop. At one point, the interviewer asked what kept women from doing the things they want to—and that answer was easy: fear, lack of time, insecurity, a sense that things are set in stone. When it came to talking about ways women might motivate to shake up their lives, something tumbled out of my mouth that I’d never thought about until then, amazingly enough: The power of sharing our own lists—the things we’ve done and the things we want to do.

Women are such great motivators. When I think of the stories in The List, so many of them involve friends or mother/daughter teams taking the plunge together. Brazilian waxes, bike riding across the country, swimming with manatees, going topless. The interviewer naturally asked what was next for me on my own list. When I said glass blowing, she said she’d always wanted to try it, too. So I said we should do it together. We haven’t set a date, and maybe we’ll end up doing it on our own, but it was fun and energizing just to talk about it.

Welcome to The List blog!

2008-10-27T16:46:00.003-04:00

I’m thrilled to be writing the inaugural post on The List blog today. Now I can finally share the amazing stories of the women who talked with me about the daring, daunting, silly, sexy, thrilling, and sometimes life-changing things they’ve done to shake up their lives. Things like biking across the country, doing a Polar Bear swim, and kissing total strangers.

In addition to being insightful and empowering, these women have something else going for them: they’re all middle aged. (Go figure!) They were in their 40s and 50s, some even in their 60s, when they jumped out of planes, learned to surf, and rode in a fire truck with young hotties straight from the pages of a calendar. (That last one, I’m happy to say, was me.)

The List is proof that it’s never too late to try new things and change the course of your life. I was 46 when I wrote my first book—and this is it! Writing The List has been a total shake-up for me. Aside from the fact that I’ve become a published author, I’ve also met 80 incredible women along the way, and gotten enough inspiration to last me a lifetime. When you read about their adventures, you’ll be inspired, too—maybe not to jump off a cliff, but to do whatever it is that you’ve always wanted to do.

I’d like to hear about it, too. Post The List items you’ve done, or let us know about something that didn’t make it into the book, but definitely could have. That’s what the site is for—to create a community where you can share your own lists and experiences . . . and cheer each other on. Women everywhere are shaking up their lives. How about you?